Rethinking leadership with LA28 alum Elizabeth Pantaleone

When I applied for Leadership Anchorage, I was on the tail end of my second pregnancy, expecting our first girl and a whirlwind of change. I don’t exactly know what compelled me to apply - maybe it was the hormones or the fact that work at the time wasn’t exactly feeling “right.”

When I got the invite for an interview, I was shocked, even more so when I was accepted. I was excited and newly postpartum, and not sure what exactly to expect. I didn’t really think about leadership in depth, because most of the time those in leadership positions looked nothing like me. When I did think of leadership, my first thought was always the common thought, an old, white man. Although my uncle, who for most of my life was a grocery store manager, didn’t exactly fit that description, the higher-ups who visited his store twice a year definitely did.

My uncle grew up in a low-income area of El Paso, Texas as the second-oldest of 8 siblings. He wasn’t always the leadership type, often goofing off with friends and partying on weeknights as a teen. It wasn’t until he became a parent that he changed the course of his life. Alternating schedules with my auntie to avoid childcare costs, even when he brought my siblings and I into his home, and things got heavy with grief of losing his sister (my mom), he still managed to provide while being present. Although a hard worker, he was never able to progress past middle management despite turning the grocery store he was hired to run around in a matter of months.

Leadership to me, up until the LA retreat, had always been a title rather than specific characteristics. It was always something people were striving for and something I never saw myself doing. The first day of the retreat was nerve-racking and somehow welcoming all at the same time. The people I met that day and would continue to spend one Saturday every month, for nine months with, were some of the most inspiring people I had the pleasure of meeting. They all seemed to have the same purpose — to learn what leadership truly means within the Anchorage community.

The nine months I spent learning from not only our facilitator but my cohort as well changed how I viewed my role in my profession, in motherhood and in my community. I had a ton of realizations, the most powerful being that I wasn’t where I was actually meant to be.

See, I became a school-based clinician with the mindset that I would help children who grew up in neighborhoods and family situations just like mine. I was able to build meaningful connections with my clients, their families, and the school I services. However, I wasn’t growing the way I wanted, not because of my supervisor, or leadership, but because my heart wasn’t in it - at least not the way I wanted it to be. 

With the emotional support of my mentor, Polly Carr, I reflected on what I truly needed to spread my wings and utilize my skills to the best of my ability. I applied to jobs that in the past I felt underqualified for, and was excited to make the shift from clinical work to coaching even if the unknown of that choice was terrifying.

Not only did I overcome leaving a company I had been with for three years, I decided to explore the arts and become more involved in community advocacy. I was lucky enough to learn from thread’s Parents for Care program — traveling to Juneau to speak to the leaders of our state about the importance of quality early childhood education. I then decided to continue moving outside of my comfort zone by applying for the Alaska Humanities Forum’s Storytelling Fellowship (even this simple blog post is something I would have avoided in the past). Through the Storytelling Fellowship, I have been able to write my experiences in an effort to build a connection with the reader and myself.

I don’t know if I would have gone out of my way to say yes to things, or try harder to make change if it wasn’t for my time in Leadership Anchorage and the support I have gotten from it. The program itself taught me that every single person has leadership qualities and has the ability to be a leader no matter their job title or status. I will continue to value my time spent with my cohort and continue to cheer them on in their endeavors because I know they would do the same.

If you have thought about applying for Leadership Anchorage but think it’s not your time, or you’re not in a “leadership” position, DO IT. Do it and you won’t regret it, because the lessons and relationships you get out of it are so much stronger than any self-doubt you have.